Lady Jonathan
by RhiannonCat
Summary: A totally backwards story. Alanna is a princess of Tusain, sent to the convent.Thom is her brother, sent to be a knight in Tortall. Jon is a prince of Tortall, but he runs away to the convent and disguises as ....a girl? And George?
1. Runaway Princess

Lady Jonathan of Conte  
  
Disclaimer: Ok, I am not going to say this again, I do not own Any books by Tamora Pierce, or most of the characters in this story!! Anything you don't recognize, or doesn't belong to Tamora, Belongs to me!! (including the plot.)  
  
Summery: A totally backwards story. Alanna is a princess of Tusain, sent to the convent. Thom is her brother, sent to be a night in Tortall. Jon is a prince of Tortall, but he runs away to the convent and disguises as ....a girl? And where does George fit in? Delia? And what does Roger have on his face? My first Tamora Fic, but not my last! R/R  
  
Chapter 1- Runaway Princess.  
  
Prince Jonathan of Tortall sighed and put down his book. His simple cream shirt and plain brown breeches were wrinkled and unclean. Moving towards the window, he threw it open with vigor. This was not what he wanted.  
  
All his life, he reflected as cold wind rushed over him, he had followed his parents wishes. Tomorrow, he would become a night. There was no question about it.  
  
He remembered over hearing the maids talk about him, how the said how handsome he was, but how he was not a warrior. He flinched as he remembered how he could not stand the sight of blood. How the other boys would laugh at him!!  
  
"He's such a girl." The words of his play mates rang through his head. He wished he could run a way, find some place where their would be no blood and no parents.  
  
Then it hit him. The convent.  
  
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Lights twinkled in the windows of a large palace in Tusaine. Rain poured down like torrents and lightning flashed against the sky. A carriage with four royal black horses rode out into the wet streets and thundered down the rode. The fog settles in, placing everything in thick gloominess. In fact, the gloominess of this picture, reflected the gloom of the two girls inside the carriage perfectly.  
  
Princess Alanna, and Princess Salvadry sulked inside the black carriage.  
  
"I don't want to go to the Convent," Alanna cried, "Why do we have to anyway?" "Because your mother decided that we both needed to be married to Princes and Lords in Tortall, That why." Salvadry replied  
  
Salvadry's mother and father had died in an epidemic of Sweating Sickness and as a result, Alanna's mother had taken over the education and care of their only children, Salvadora and Salvadry. Salvadry's older sister and been married off to a Count in Galla when Salvadry was only 7. Now she was 10 and rarely saw or heard from her sister.  
  
"I will hate it, Sal." Alanna said bitterly.  
  
"On the bright side, we can cause all sorts of trouble and we will be away from your parents!" Sal answered, completely forgetting her own troubles in her valiant attempt to cheer her cousin up.  
  
"I suppose." Came a dreary answer.  
  
"Of course! And we can make tons of new friends! It will be fun!"  
  
"No it won't."  
  
"Look on the bright side, will you?"  
  
"I'll try, though it will be hard," Alanna said through clenched teeth.  
  
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"Welcome to the Convent, ladies. I trust that you will behave as expected. You clothes have been brought to your rooms. Please have a seat next to the other new arrivals." Said a stern looking woman who was wearing a plain gray gown with red embroidery on it and had brown hair tied up in a tight bun.  
  
Two other girls were sitting in the room. The both had black hair, though one was noticeably more stocky. The other looked quiet stylish.  
  
Just as the woman appeared again, another woman arrived. Behind her, was a very wet girl with short black hair two her shoulders and clear blue eyes. She was wearing a ragged blue dress that was much to short for her and, Alanna reflected, was looking quiet chest less.  
  
The woman she was following was quiet beautiful. She had shining blond hair, done in a bun also, but also had ringlets which framed her face. Her ivory skin and baby blue dress matched her periwinkle colored eyes.  
  
"My, what happened to you!" The woman in the gray dress said, apparently shocked.  
  
"She says that she got separated from the carriage as it got hijacked from bandits," The other woman replied elegantly. "Her clothing is ruined too, but I will take care of that."  
  
"Very well." Came the reply. She continued. "I am Madam Ethel and this is Madam May. You will speak to us using those terms. I am very busy, but I am sure that Madam May will show you to your rooms." With that she left.  
  
Madam May, how appropriate. Alanna thought.  
  
"Please come this way, girls. I will show you to your room and then we can get to know each other."  
  
The five girls followed Madam May down the dusky hall ways, with many different thoughts.  
  
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So, how do you like it? Hope fully it will he humorous. This is my first Tamora Fic. Help me out in any way you can ok?  
  
Can someone be my beta? Please Review, and put your e-mail in it.  
  
Don't forget to review, I want 5 reviews before I update!!  
  
~RhiaCat 


	2. Face Paint Promblems

A/N- Ok, I am sorry for the long wait. Sarah Beara Boo is offically writing this story with me. I called her a little while ago to brain storm some ideas, but it has taken a little while to get typed and posted, Thanks to my reviewers:  
  
Sarah Beara Boo – I love your e-mail, very ahhhhh, creative. Thanks, I will call you soon, or see you at the bus stop. What to write it with me? Yes, I love your idea's and totally agree with you. Charles is fine, Though I may break up with him soon, (cough......some people are really gullible.) Yes, I already love the story!!!!!! I can see it all now............... Help me make it funny, ok? I will call you during the summer and we can get together and write a fic and post it in my name!! We should write a story that includes a bunch of chapters that have Jon dying. Great!!  
  
DITH POLO- Here you go!!!! I hope that you like it. Thanks for you compliment, do you think that it is funny?? Review Please!!  
  
g0dDesS- I like it too, and hope that it is funny! Please review.  
  
Artemis- Thanks, keep reviewing! Hope that you like this chapter! Sorry about the mistakes.  
  
farleydunlop'04 - Here you go, sorry to keep you waiting!  
  
Spacing Out – You flatter me, Thanks so much!! I hope that you like it!  
  
A Troubled Quill- Sorry about the grammar, I hope that this chapter will be better.  
  
Captain Birgitte – Thank you I would love for you to be my beta!! Hope that you enjoy my new chapter, sorry about the errors.  
  
#4%&()#$%&()!#$%&()  
  
Chapter 2- Face Paint Problems  
  
Alanna and Salvadry met out side their rooms.  
  
"So what do you think?" Salvadry asked Alanna.  
  
"Boring." Came the reply.  
  
"Yep, That's true. But we can fix it up of course...." There was a strange smile on Sal's face.  
  
Before Alanna had a chance to ask just what Sal meant, Madam May was back again.  
  
"Dinner will be in half an hour, so I suggest that you girls get to know one another, as you will all be in the same classes. I will come to take you to the dinning room in a while and after that, I will take you around the convent. Your lessons will start tomorrow." Madam May smiled. "I am sure that you will all be just fine."  
  
Alanna looked around glumly as Madam May left and inspected everyone carefully. Sal was just Sal as usual, smiling and looking interestedly around. Alanna noticed that her hair shone and she looked almost ladylike except for the fact that she was swinging her feet.  
  
The girl with the black stylish hair and gorgeous brown eyes and tanned skin, kept fingering the arch on her nose and looking at the girl beside her. The other girl had black hair and was openly sulking. Her face was in a clear pout and she glared at Alanna.  
  
Finally Alanna turned toward the other girl. She was now wearing a plain dark blue dress and was avoiding everyone's eyes. She was much taller than everyone else, and had a boyish look about her.  
  
"Well..." Sal said to break the ice.  
  
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Jon looked around at the other girls. What am I doing here, he thought. Why am I pretending to be a girl!  
  
"Well...." One of the girls said. Everyone turned to look at her.  
  
"My names Salvadry, but just call me Sal." She said. "This is Alanna and we come from Tyra."  
  
"Really? We come from Sarien. I am Thayet and this is Buri." Said the elegant dark-haired beauty.  
  
"What's your name?" The girl called Alanna asked Jon.  
  
"Jon...Ella." He quickly added, before cursing himself mentally for his mistake.  
  
"Jonella? That's an interesting name," The girl called Sal said. "Can we call you Jon or something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
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"Alanna!" Came a sing-song voice the next morning. "Wake up!"  
  
"Shut up Sal."  
  
"Alanna! It's Jeffery! Look! I see him!" Sal shouted hysterically.  
  
"Huh? Where?" Alanna sat up in bed and glanced around. Scowling, she noticed that Sal was already dressed in a pale yellow dress with plain brown shoes . Part of her hair was tied up neatly with a yellow ribbon. Beside her, Thayet stood with a smile on her face. Her blue dress was very stylish.  
  
"Who's Jeffery?" Buri poked her head in the doorway.  
  
Alanna scowled even harder and threw a pillow at Sal. She caught in easily.  
  
"Come on Alanna, get up. Our lessons start today." Thayet said using a coaxing voice.  
  
"Yep, we don't want to be late. Think of what your mom would say if she thought we were slacking!" Sal added.  
  
"Oh Joy...." Alanna mumbled as the other girls left her to dress.  
  
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The four girls assembled in the huge dining hall. Breakfast had been porridge which they had eaten without syrup of any kind. While they ate, Madam Edith instructed them on how important eating healthy was.  
  
Now they were lined up, watching as Priestesses and other instructors lined up and sent all the other girls at the convent in different directions. Only after everyone left, did Madam Edith speak.  
  
"I am sure that you were instructed about your behavior before you came, however, I will stress the point that ruckus is not tolerated and you must do as you are told. After breakfast each morning, you will check the scheduled that is posted on this wall as to what class you have next. If you have homework, your instructor will tell you of when it is due."  
  
Madam Edith walked briskly down the hall, beckoning to them as to follow her.  
  
"I am the teacher who is in charge of the discipline and punishments of students. I help the new arrivals as well. If you have any problems, as I have told you already, you must see Madam May, as she is in charge of you during your whole convent years. Any problem that is huge, or any conflict, and you will be sent to the head Priestess' Room."  
  
Stopping in from of a brown door, she paused and said, "Your first class today will be Appearance. In this class, you will learn important things about dresses, face paint, etc. Next, you have Deportment. In that class you will learn manners and how to walk and act like a lady. Lunch will then be served. After lunch, you have Outdoors Education. You will learn how to ride and will probably do walking and running to keep fit. Your last class for the day will be health. You will learn the importance of being a lady and handling situations."  
  
Opening the door, she led them all inside. A few other girls were sitting on chairs in the middle of the room. A stylish woman with a broad smile came and ushered them into the circle.  
  
"Good morning girls!" She said jubilantly. "I am Madam Buttercup and I am your teacher in Appearance. I don't believe you've met some of the other girls, have you? No? They are in their first year, just like you, except they came earlier on in the year. Well, This is Karay," She said pointing to a girl with dark brown hair in 2 braids. She smiled slightly. "Now, this is Lindsey." Again Madam Buttercup smiled and pointed to another girls, this one with blond hair, blue eyes and a kind smile. She moved over a bit to make room.  
  
"The others are Marcy and Sharla." Marcy stared at them but Sharla only looked bored.  
  
Madam Buttercup didn't notice anything amiss though, she just went right on talking.  
  
"Today we are moving on to face paint. So, can everyone take a seat? Yes, that's right. Now, to see what you know, I am going to let you all put on your own make up and then I will tell you what you need to do. Ok? You all have one hour."  
  
Picking up the necessary materials, the girls began their work.  
  
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Jon looked at the face paint, lip rouge and so on helplessly. Glancing shyly over at Marcy, he saw her pick up a brush and a small pallet of something.  
  
Looking down at his own stuff, her took up the brush and stared at the pallets. Some had brown, others green, red, pink, blue and orange! Sighing, he took the pink one up spread the powder all over his face. Randomly taking colors and tubes, he tried to mimic what the other girls were doing.  
  
Later as they had finished, Madam Buttercup went around and inspected their work.  
  
"Very nice Thayet, You have a talent. Make sure that you don't make the lipstick clump up, Karay. Marcy, very good. Sharla, nicely done, I can hardly see your eye lashes Salvadry, you need to put more mascara on......Eeeek! Jonella, what have you done!"  
  
She clasped her hands together over her mouth. Her cheery face disappeared and exclaimed quite harshly,  
  
"I don't know if you regard this as a joke of if you really have been brought up in some uncivilized community. Jonella, your face is as red and a cherry, your cheeks are blue eye shadow on them, your eyebrows are covered in blood red lipstick, your eye lids are brown, your eyelashes are powdered green and for heavens sake, you have scratched on black mascara onto your lips!"  
  
Sharla had a smirk written on her face. Lindsey and Thayet both looked sympathetic. Alanna was staring at him with an amused look on her face. Sal and Karay both looked like they were trying not to laugh and Marcy wasn't looking at him at all.  
  
"I require on essay on the products you use on your face to beautify it and how thay are used for tomorrow! Lindsey, go and take him to get cleaned up. The rest of you, pack up and get ready for your next class."  
  
Following Lindsey out the door, Jon's face was even more red. Looking down with shame, Jon silently wished that he had never been born.  
  
"Don't worry," Lindsey said kindly. "I'll help you with the essay, and so will the others. Though I don't know about Marcy and Sharla. The others will though."  
  
Lindsey smiled. "It'll be alright."  
  
"Of course!" It was Sal, Alanna and the others. "We'll help."  
  
And for the first time in his whole life, Jon felt like he had friends.  
  
Even if they were girls.  
  
Even if he had to pretend to we a girl and invoke there pity to get them to like them.  
  
Even if he had to spend the rest of his life in a convent.  
  
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A/N- Please, Please review. I think this chapter is funnier, but I could still use your ideas!  
  
Coming up next, Jon tried to act like a lady, learns something about girls and experiences other brutal embarrassments. 


	3. Pondering Dead a way

A/N- Thank you to all my reviewers. Hopefully, everyone will enjoy this chapter. The rating might have to go up to PG-13........possibly. But only for girl stuff.  
  
Dianie – Thank you soooooooo much for reviewing! Glad you like it. Hopefully, This chapter will be VERY funny in the female point of view. Jon isn't really girl material is he? (cough) gay (cough)  
  
imogenhm- Thanks you! I am glad that this fic is funny and different. You see, everyone tries the "what happened if Alanna didn't go to the palace and what happened if she went to the convent" stuff. I like that stuff too! I am just trying to be different, and funny as well. My friend and I delight in the way Jon seems so gay.  
  
Rat Child G- Glad you think that this is funny! Hope that this chapter is funny as well. Thanks for reviewing! Here's the next chapter for you!  
  
Leaf n Jelly- Poor Jon. I almost feel sorry for him, don't you? Wait a minute, I forgot. He is an insufferable prat! Thanks for reviewing! Yeppers, George will be very important. I LOVE GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is the best. Jon is just way to involved with himself, don't you think? Makes me wonder if he is gay, I mean, he only told Alanna, that he loved her after he found out she was a girl. What if he liked her before then?  
  
Ladyla- Alanna won't find out until the end of the story. I'm hoping to make it funny and I already have planned a few lines of it! After this one, I am going to write a sequel about when they go to the palace. Truly, I had better get writing!!! Thanks for reviewing, Glad that you like it.  
  
Aja- Thank you! And.....sorry about that mistake. It is hard to write in other peoples points of view when you have the whole story planned out! But did it ever occur to you that Mme. Buttercup knew all about Jon? Nah, just messing with you. She doesn't know anything and you are totally right. But someone might find out soon though.........( I just haven't figured out who!)  
  
Gwen of Helmsgrove - I know, I know. Sorry about that mistake. It's hard! Only two people caught that mistake! When I go through and fix this story, I'll fix it. Don't expect it to happen for a while.........Glad you like it! I will definitely finish this story eventually, and write the sequel too maybe! Don't threaten me....Please!  
  
Kore Yan- Thank you! I'm not really a comedian.......You flatter me too! (hugs and kisses all 'round.) Hope you like this chapter too!  
  
plot-less- I Love your story! Of course I reviewed every chapter. It was my inspiration. Truly. Yes, I know you are right, and I will try to set the scene more in this chapter, and the others to come. And I appreciate you too. Thanks!!  
  
Sarah Beara Boo- Oh yes, I can really see this coming along now Sarah, totally hippo. It's perfect. I will be sure to mention to everyone that you came up with tons of Ideas. Your spelling really is horrible. I had to read through your review twice to understand about the whole compliment thingo. We will have to go slow though, May be make the assignment come in at about chapter 8, George come in at about chapter 5. I know, to long to wait isn't it? When we get together for the LOTR sleepover thing, ( with Christine if she wants to come), we will also work on this story. Honestly, everyone tells me that it is funny. I find it stupid, but anyway......I am going to call you in 5 seconds.....5......4.....3....2....1.....I hear it ringing......Oh look, there's your mom......Sarah? What!! She's not there?  
  
PrincessFindabhair (of the laughing faeries)- Love your name! It is so totally Christine! You can come to the sleep over if you want, and if you have any idea's for this story, share them with me! You are a better writer than me anyway. When are you going to post your story about the Goddesses or whatever? I liked it!! Ta Ta Princess F. (otlf)!! I love it. I'm going to have brackets in my name too. What about Luthien (RC5)? Never mind.  
  
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"Come on! We're going to be late!" Karay and Lindsey hurried the five other girls to the Deportment class room. Stepping in the door, they lined up behind Marcy and Sharla.  
  
"Welcome Class. Please take your seats." Ordered a crisp lady with an impassive face. "Hurry along now, we don't have all day. What is your name dear?" She asked Sal.  
  
"Um...Sal."  
  
Frowning, the woman straightened and continued speaking. "Your full name please. Titles and everything."  
  
"Salvadry Cahannara Juliet, Fifth Princess of Tusain." Sal said in a clear voice.  
  
"Very well Salvadry. As a princess, I would expect you to know how to sit down like a Lady. A Lady never flops down into her seat. You must sit gracefully and spread your skirts around you. When one asks her name, the Lady replies using her full name with titles and everything. You must sit up straight and push you chest out. Go on."  
  
Feeling stupid, Sal straightened her shoulders and pushed her chest out. The teacher moved on. "You darling, must hold you head up high." She instructed Alanna. "Do not scowl." She said as she moved past Buri. Stopping at Jonella, she told her most forcefully, "Keep your legs together. What do you want, some one to shove a stick up there?" Jonella blushed. All the girls hid a smile behind her hand.  
  
Moving to the front of the class, the chiseled woman brushed the hair carefully with one finger and went on.  
  
"I am Madam Ursule. The first lesson I will teach you today is how to sit." Fixing her gaze on Jonella, she said, "The first thing my mother ever told me was this: Girls who sit with there legs together are nice, Girls who sit with there legs crossed are pretty. Girls who sit with their legs apart get pregnant before they are married! What a terrible thing!."  
  
"This I tell you," She proclaimed, "Is the most truest thing you will hear in your whole life."  
  
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"I hope lunch will be good." Sal said to the others as they went down to the dining hall. "That was the most boring class in the world," Alanna grumbled. Settling on the benches, Buri gazed around. "Salad? That's it?" She exclaimed.  
  
"For today anyway." Karay smiled. Tossing her nose up in the air, she showed the others her talent of impersonating people. "Healthy Eating is the most important aspect that you will learn in your whole life." Her voice was wobbly and the pitch ranged from very high to very low.  
  
"I thought Deportment was the most important thing," Alanna muttered.  
  
"Don't forget Appearance!" Added Buri.  
  
"I woman must remain thin, yet nurtured on the essence of life itself. Vegetables." Karay continued.  
  
The others snickered. "A lady must remain healthy to bear her husbands many children."  
  
Choking on laughter, Lindsey exclaimed, "It sounds just like Mistress Vagoon!"  
  
They got up to move to their next class, Outdoor Education with Madam Cystrone. "Funny how the teacher who teaches stuff about Health and Babies is a Mistress and has never actually had any experience......." Buri pointed out.  
  
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"Good Afternoon!" The friendly Madam Cystrone said to her waiting class.  
  
"For those of you that are new, I am in charge of the Outdoors and Physical part of your education. You may all call me Madam Cyst or Madam C, what ever you prefer. Our lesson today, will begin with a run around the building, followed by some practice on your horse."  
  
Turning around, she faced the convent.  
  
"Follow me Ladies!"  
  
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"Mount please everyone!" Madam C said briskly. The girls and Jon had finished their run and were mounting their ponies as fast as they could.  
  
This should be easy ,thought Jon. When they had run, he hadn't been first, but he hadn't been last either. Finally! Something he would be good at! This was all about to change.......  
  
"I nice trot please," Called Madam C. "Jonella, please slow down." This was to prove to be difficult.  
  
"C'mon you stupid pony, work with me here." Muttered Jon. Even though the ladies would understand if he couldn't handle his frisky pony, which he was too big for (which might be the problem), it was him masculinity and his own pride that was at stake.  
  
"Everyone line up. Sharla, lean forward please. You look like you think your poor Ribbon stepped in horse dung." Frowning, Madam C turned her own pony towards Jon.  
  
"Jonella, where are you going?"  
  
Turning around to face her, Jon's pony Dud refused to move. Trying again, Dud still refused to move, spinning Jon around so that Jon was carried with the momentum and thrown off his back.  
  
A muffled scream came from behind his body. "Are you all right Jonella?" Madam C. said, concerned.  
  
Oh I am perfectly fine, Jon thought to himself, I'm just the crown Prince who ran away and is pretending to be a girl, not to mention I am now suffering the most humiliating moment that I have ever had in my whole entire life....not counting the time I tripped over my practice sword in front of the court....  
  
"It's alright, don't worry about it. Some ladies just aren't suited to riding horses. It doesn't come naturally to some ladies as it does men.  
  
So am I male or female? I will have to ponder that one deeply.  
  
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"Tell me Miss Jonella, what kind of food did you eat at your home?"  
  
This was not the first question Mistress Vagoon had asked Jon within the past 3 minutes the girls and Jon, (though we are still not sure what gender he is) had been in Health.  
  
"Um......chicken......beef........ale...." Jon said hesitantly, wondering if her should lie or tell the truth.  
  
"Ale! Meat! What about all those vegetables! And Fruit! That is not a healthy diet!" Mistress Vagoon exclaimed, shocked. Yep, should have lied.  
  
"What Fief do you come from" The Mistress asked.  
  
Before his brain could stop him, Jon's mouth ran away with itself. "I dun 'ave one" Jon said quickly.  
  
"Fief Idunaveone?" The Mistress inquired. "Where is that may I ask?"  
  
No you may not ask. Thought Jon. Instead, he said, "Carthak."  
  
"Oh! We've never had a pupil from Carthak before. I hope that when we have time you will be able to share all your experiences and the latest fashions to us."  
  
There better be a library around here. And what is a pupil? Isn't that the middle of your eye? So what does she mean she's never had a Carthaki pupil. Does she mean she has never seen a Carthaki eye before? My eye? Heak, I'm confused.  
  
"Today we are going to talk about the development of women......" Mistress Vagoon continued. Suddenly, Jon got the fleeting suspicion that he was not supposed to know this stuff.  
  
Papers were being passed around, and judging by the looks of the other girls faces, they had heard all this stuff before. Many times even.  
  
Mistress Vagoon seemed to enjoy talking about all this stuff, which Jon found very disgusting. Her one-way conversation seemed to range from bedding a man, babies and finally, the development part.  
  
Some of it, Jon found intriguing. Most of it he found embarrassing, especially when the talk was about men too.  
  
But this was by far the worst.  
  
"You mean you bleed??" He finally shouted. Glancing at all the apprehensive faces, he found not sympathy, but laughter and amusement. The world swam before his eyes. This is it. Jon thought. I'm finally dying.  
  
He fell to the floor in a dead faint.  
  
!#$%&()!#$%&()!#$%&()  
  
Poor Jon. Don't feel too sorry for him. He's only getting what he deserves after all.  
  
Special Thanks to Sarah Beara Boo. You help a lot.  
  
Next up:  
  
-Jon realizes his feelings for Alanna. Will he tell her? What will she think? - George!! ( contact Sarah Beara Boo { her e-mail is pinkmonkeyswithsmilefacestickersontheircheekstheviggofanclub.ca}v } for a full description of his ruggedly handsome features.)  
  
Just a warning, you may not see much of me for the next little while, I have to revise my other story and do another chapter. I will be going as fast as I can though!!!  
  
Thanks so much!!!  
  
Rhia 


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